Six things I wish I had already known....

I look around me at all of the other moms that have toddlers. Most are younger than I and have much more energy. Most are pushing the swing at the park and packed great lunches for their kids. Some are dying on the inside, just trying to keep up with the mom, wife, woman standing next to them. I remember being that woman.  The one who didn't want anyone to know that I barely made it out of the house, how I had to redo my make up because I cried over some stupid argument my husband and I got into. I didn't want anyone to know that I yelled when I lost my temper, that I hid in the bathroom, counted quarters so I could get Starbucks, and always wished for bigger, better, nicer. I am thankful for this time, this clean slate to do it all over again.  I have learned a lot over the last 20 years of being an adult......there are six things I wish I had known back then.
1. No one can make you happy. Searching for the perfect person that makes everything in your world sparkle will only leave you disillusioned and distraught. You have to be happy on the inside. You have to have the kind of joy that only comes from Christ. You have to want to make others happy more than you want to be happy.  You don't have to "settle",  but you have to be real. Finding the person that completes you is just as imperfect as you are.
2. You can't be "fed" if you are still wearing a bib. You can't sit around wishing for a deeper relationship with Christ if you aren't willing to be His hands and feet. You can't wait for some message that is delivered to set off a light bulb and all of a sudden your cup overflows. Depth in relationship with Him comes from being like Him, from serving others, from giving to others, from studying Him, from being less like YOU. It doesn't come from the latest and greatest sermon.
3. It is much more attractive to fall apart. My greatest friendships have been with women that know me. They know how often I fail. They know that there is dried cereal stuck to my dining room table and pee on my bathroom floor. They know that I am insecure and have a hard time trusting. They know I'm not rich and some months can barely pay my bills. They know I sometimes say things to my kids I wish I didn't. They know I fight with my husband. They have seen me cry. They don't always tell me what I want to hear and I love them for that. It is ok to not have it all together.
4. Spend time being unproductive. Don't always stick to your list. Sometimes the greatest moments are the unplanned ones. It is ok to not be in control.  You don't have to always be involved in another activity, or have somewhere to go.  There doesn't have to be an agenda. Just live life. One day at a time. Together.
5. EVERYTHING worth having is worth fighting for or working for. Don't ever think that if it is hard, it isn't worth it. Marriage is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being real is hard. Following Jesus is hard.
6.  Listen. Spend more time listening than talking. Sometimes, they just don't want advice~they just want to know you care enough to listen.  Sometimes, the way you say "I love you" is by saying nothing at all. Sometimes, they need you to be quiet so the Holy Spirit is the only voice they hear.  Listen to the little stories and the things that make no sense at all. Listen to them laugh and listen to them cry. Just listen. Listen to God. Listen to His voice. Don't ever underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit and how dangerous it is to ignore It.
I love this stage of life. I am ok with getting a little older, I am good with having some years under my belt. Having being taught so many lessons makes the new ones easier to learn. Never stop learning.

Bucket List

Kiss my husband at the base of the Eiffel Tower
Take every single one of my grandchildren to Disneyland (not all at once though)
Read the bible from cover to cover.

Go skinny dipping
Take my mom to Graceland
Dance with my dad
See the sunrise from Hawaii
See the sunset from Greece
Visit the Holy Land
Go on a mission trip to Africa
Work on a food truck
Learn how to bake (take lessons)
Beat my boys at a video game
Sing Karaoke
Write a book
Visit my Grandpa's grave
Send a care package to a person serving our country over seas
Walk an old lady across the street
Get a facial
Get a massage
Run a marathon
Fix up an old house
Live downtown
Climb a mountain
Spend a month in an RV
Drive from coast to coast
Learn how to cut hair
Garden with my Nanny
Cut the lawn of a neighbor
Take cookies to a nursing home
Work at a coffee shop
Go to seminary-get my degree
Publish a cookbook
Drive from one end of California to the other on HWY 1 with Robb
Collect sand from each ocean
Take a ballroom dance class
Make something with pallets
Get one more tattoo ;)
Apologize to hearts I've hurt

First Bite Gourmet

It was a whirlwind! One day Kami is sharing this crazy good idea with us and we are thinking "that would be cool to do one day" and then a few months later I am sweating on a food truck and posting on facebook and twitter about where we will be next. It came on like a beautiful storm. Created gorgeous chaos and left me growing as I pick up the pieces.  It is no surprise that I have entered into this arena with much apprehension. It is unfortunately my nature to second guess everything.  I have no shame in admitting that when Robb felt undeniably called to start get the Word out, I went along kicking and screaming.  My husband fought the fight alone and at times against me to remain faithful to what he was lead to do.  It took me a good year to come to the point of submission.  I don't mean submission to just "support" my husband so he feels good. I mean submission to trusting him as the head of our household, trusting him even when he doubts himself.  I am thankful for the growth that the last eleven years has provided.  When Robb looked at me after a turn of events and said that it must be time to start First Bite, I was scared out of my mind! This time it was different.  I wasn't doubting my husband or his leadership, I wasn't doubting whether or not it was what God wanted us to do, all of my doubt and fears were surrounding if I was going to be able to be all things necessary.  How will I still Mentor at MOPS, serve at church, taxi kids to and from school, assist in leading a bible study, keep the house clean and the laundry done, have enough energy at the end of the day to show my husband I love him, cook dinner, be a good friend to some very special ladies, still go on dates with my kids, AND work on a food truck, be a supporter, GIVE! MORE! I am thankful that my hesitations were not a lack of faith in what God could do, but in what I could do.......THEN it hit me, isn't that one in the same? If I praise a God of the heaven and earth that can literally part a sea and raise from the dead; what in the world has come over me to think He can't be all things in me?? Sure, I will be tired physically.  I believe literally that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! My job will be to keep my priorities in line, my eye on the prize, and my faith in His control.  I am so excited to see the way God is already using First Bite to effect the lives of people in our community, especially the ones with the last name Jackson!  Our world has been rocked, routines have been changed, and I'm tired-but I wouldn't change a thing.

2012 in Two Words

Third Teenager

Six Flags

Coach Robb

Moving Away

House Sold

Not Moving

Stressed Chaos

Supportive Friends

Texas Family

Just Dance

New House

Birthday Parties

Tackle Football

Brayden Love

Adult Child

Road Trip

California Surprise

Beach Picture

 Financially Humbled

Field Leadership

God's Provision

New Vision

Kami's Heart

First Bite

Food Truck

Countless Hours

Family Business

Feed Homeless

Servant Joy

Faith Redemption

Family Vacation

Passionate Family

True Restoration

Cheer Team

The Landing

Cherished Dates

Family Traditions

College Enrollment

Diaper Free

Prayer Life

Rice Balls

Renewed Hearts

Renewed Love

Renewed Passion

Praise God