Should be doin' laundry

"I should be doin' laundry" is what I was thinking as I laid in bed wide awake this morning at 4:00 am.  I am so not a morning person and definitely did not want to be up that early.  Robb had gotten up to take some friends to the airport and there I lie~ tossing, and turning.  Trying to get comfortable, really just trying to fall off to sleep to run from the thought that if I was going to be awake, I should be productive.  And then there was the thought that saved my morning, the voice of my mentor ringing in my head "whenever I am wide awake when I should be sleeping I always think it is God's way of getting me to pray, so He has my undivided attention".  So that's what I did, I prayed.  I prayed for my husband, I prayed for my kids, I prayed for my friends, I prayed for MOPS, and I prayed for my home and my strength.  It has been a glorious morning!  I was as productive as I'll ever be.

I am what I do...

Not in a "works" vs. salvation kind of way.   But, more like in a "my actions represent my heart" kind of way. Living in a way that is worthy of Christ is no small feat.  Quite frankly, without grace it is impossible.  I am not suggesting that our life is to be a perfect reflection of Him, what I am suggesting is that our tiny moments, our behind closed door moments, our when no one is looking moments, our when we have nothing to gain moments, ARE a perfect reflection of who we are.  We can all put up the front and appear to be whoever we want to be whenever we want. The true us comes out however, when we least expect it.  Like, when someone asks for help on a day we had some "me" time planned, or when a good friend needs someone to talk to when your in the middle of checking all your facebook notifications, or when your kids ask you to play a board game and you are glued to the TV, or when you just mopped the floor and your 3 year old dumps a bowl of cereal all over it, or maybe when your husband crawls into bed next to you. 
Who is the real you?  What I have found is the real me is found in who I desire.  If my actions are a reflection of my heart and my heart is a reflection of my desires and my desires are a reflection of my King.  Then my actions should paint a pretty clear picture of who/what I desire, which should then depict who I am.  Who you are when no one's looking is the only real picture of who you are.  We can all claim to be Christ followers, believers, Christians, whatever "title" you want to give it.  But, are you living it?  Do your actions speak it?
As I approach this new year, I am pondering-Who am I?  Who do I want to be? and what does it look like when those two collide? Praying that my actions reflect my heart, my heart reflects my desires, and my desires reflect my King.

A Month of Gratitude

 Although I am thankful for many things all year long, I enjoy spending the month of November naming something different every day. I love what facebook has done for my journaling.  It has encouraged me to document more, and among many other things, it is something I am thankful for.  Here's a look at my posts for November, 2011. A glimpse at some of the things I am most thankful for, and pretty much sums up my year in form of gratitude.

Nov. 1~Today I am thankful for TeenMOPS, the ministry itself and the heart behind it, as well as the faithful women I serve alongside!! So, so blessed to be a part of it.

Nov. 2~I would like to be all sentimental and share some deep thought of gratitude for day #2, but with child #7 throwing up today I gotta be real and say this is what I am thankful for. It's the disinfectant and hand sanitizer!!!  That's it.

Nov. 3~Today I am thankful for an amazingly helpful family. They always step up and do whatever it takes, even when they are "voluntold". They are some paper cuttin' fools.

Nov. 4~Today I am thankful for an amazing kids team at an awesome church. And all of the people that invested their time and resources to make this year's Extreme Road Trip so crazy good.

Nov. 5~Today I am thankful for an amazing man that sees things in me that I would never recognize without him. He sees me for who I am and still pursues me. He shows me a love I don't deserve and still treats me like a princess after all these years. He was my prince charming that rescued me many years ago, and is still my prince charming now. He truly is the man of my dreams and I am blessed to be his wife.

Nov. 6~Today, on Orphan Sunday I am thankful that though I was once an orphan living in a desperate world I was adopted into the Kingdom by the King of Kings; although I am sinful, He desires my worship, meets me where I DON'T belong, and accepts me as His own. He loves me and redeems me from who I once was and I am made new in Him. I am grateful beyond words to be loved by the Father.

Nov. 7~Today I am thankful that our kids and their friends like hanging at our house....no matter how old they get. I bet it is something I have always taken for granted, well-not anymore. What a blessing it has been and continues to be.

Nov. 8~Today I am thankful for facebook and the ability to network. Two local businesses are supporting our family through our upcoming adoption with fundraisers and I was able to create a page for y'all to "like" to help me spread the word.  It will help me reach even more people than those on my friends list.

Nov. 9 ~Today, I am thankful for the ministry of MOPS. I am thankful for the changes it has made in my life over the last 14 years and I am thankful to be a part of the changes it is making in others lives. Ministry is never perfect, because people are involved, but MOPS is about as close to perfect as I have seen.

Nov. 10~Today I am thankful for my mom. When she found out about me, so many choices could have been made. She chose life. Being raised by a mentally disabled mom has taught me so much about myself and how to really love. Taught me to be independent and responsible, how to have self control, and how to love unconditionally. She has struggled with many things throughout her life, but she has always loved me and made me feel like I was her everything.

Nov. 11~Today I am thankful for my freedom, and the men and women that protect it. I am thankful for their courage and sacrifice. I am thankful that they stand to protect me and my family while their families are so far away. I am thankful for the women who stand in the gap and parent their children alone while their husbands are making sure I can parent my children the way I see fit. I am thankful for the moms who have buried their sons and daughters so I can safely tuck mine in at night. I am thankful for the blessing of worshiping our God in freedom and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that is only possible because so many answered the call and sacrificed so much. My gratitude is beyond words.

Nov. 12~Today I am thankful for swing sets and that we have a pretty cool one. My kids played outside forever today which meant I got to visit with a sweet friend while they stayed busy!! It was a treat! Just what I needed!

Nov. 13~Today I am thankful for the four children that I gave birth to. They are all wise beyond their years. When we decided to foster/adopt it was a family decision. Every discussion we have about it, their perspective is completely selfLESS and Christ centered. They have sacrificed so much in the eyes of a child, but with very little complaint. They step up whenever I need them, they love whole heartedly even though they've experience the pain of loss, and they give more than what is ever expected. They are true servants of the King. There are many reasons they make me proud, but this my friends is my favorite!

Nov. 14~Today, I am thankful for Heidi Miller. Biology made us cousins, but life made us sisters. She is strong, she is courageous, she is focused, she is an inspiration to other women. She never gives up, she loves everyone, she never judges, she always keeps her word, she makes me laugh, she listens to me cry, she would do anything for me, she is ALWAYS there for me, I know that no matter what-I can count on her, and she makes this killer chicken broccoli dish. She always tells me how much she looks up to me, the reality is she inspires me to be a better me. I love you Heidi Lynn.

Nov. 15~Today I am thankful for our Lifegroup. I am thankful that even after a season of wandering around, feeling lost and lonely, God has circled us back in and planted us in a family! We are connected, We are blessed and I am grateful.

Nov. 16~Today I am thankful for God's provision. I am thankful for the way He shows up when I least expect Him, which means I am thankful for His faithfulness when my faith is lacking. I could share so many stories of how He has blown me away and more of how I didn't think He would. He always has our back and ALWAYS provides for our family. He always knows what we need and what we don't.......we always have what we need.

Nov. 17~Today I am thankful that my kids love each other. They protect each other, hang out together, cheer for each other, they have got each other's back. They are the best of friends.

Nov. 18~Today I am thankful for caffeine.....have needed a lot of that today!!

Nov. 19~Today I am thankful for a woman that I never met. I am thankful that with each of my boys, she chose life. Although I would give anything for their paths to not have been what they were, I am grateful beyond measure that those paths led them to the heart of Jacksonville.

Nov. 20~Today I am thankful for my Texas family. I am thankful for the many that came out to celebrate with us today. I feel abundantly blessed and my heart overflows. I am grateful for the family that God has surrounded us with and am blown away continuously by the love and support they all so selflessly give!!!

Nov. 21~Today I am thankful for my Nanny (Grandma). She loved on me and set boundaries when I knew none, and let me break the rules when she thought I needed to. She has many grandchildren and makes me feel like I am her favorite (I am sure I am not the only one that feels that way). I am thankful for the smile I can hear in her voice every time she hears mine. I am thankful that she spent many nights praying for me while I was growing up. I am thankful for the groceries she used to sneak and leave on my doorstep when I felt like the world was against me. I am thankful for the countless nights on her lap watching Dallas and sipping her coffee. I am me because she set the example.

Nov. 22~Today I am thankful for reality TV. (not all of it of course) It is something our entire family enjoys doing together. On any given day, you will hear a Jackson say "can we watch one of our shows?" We all pile in the living room and watch together...... Tonight, it's Xfactor.

Nov. 23~Today I am thankful for date nights, a husband who always knows exactly what I need, and an amazing, selfless friend that comes over to pour love into my children so Robb and I can pour love into each other. Thank you Miss Teresa. We love you.

Nov. 24~Today I am thankful for my family, and the man I am creating memories with! I am thankful for understanding the true meaning of "family" and having many of them to spend my day with! I am thankful that Christ is at the center of our family. I am thankful for technology and the ability to share moments with family that is too far away to spend the day with. I am thankful to have another Miller in my house today too!! It is a glorious day and I have many things to be thankful for.

Nov. 25~Today I am thankful for the Allen family. I am thankful that God worked things out so Robb and I have bff's that are married. I am thankful that our kids adore each other. I am thankful that I have a best friend that isn't just my "yes" girl. She keeps it real for me. I am thankful that Robb has a best friend that I can trust. They've got our back. They have walked alongside us even when the walk was not pleasant. Although I am not thankful for the distance between us, I am thankful that no matter how much time passes between our visits, it is like the distance is irrelevant. We love us some Allen's.

Nov. 26~Tonight I am thankful for my girls, cuz they are awesome.           

Kami ~I just thought you should know how thankful I am for you and the woman you have become. You let your light shine among men. In my month of gratitude facebook posts, I listed that you were awesome, but now I am feeling like that just isn't enough!! I am grateful beyond words to have been chosen to be your mom. You are wise beyond your years and your heart for Jesus continues to blow me away. Thank you for being YOU and being you all the time, even when everyone is around. Who you are when no one is looking is just as admirable as the woman you are when you have an audience and there aren't many people in the world like that. I love you my little boo boo. (sorry, had to throw that in)

Lanni~So, a few days ago in my "today I am thankful for" post I said my girls were "awesome". Which, of course you are, but I am now feeling like that isn't enough. I want you to know how thankful I am to be your mom and how ridiculously grateful I am that you have a heart that loves Jesus and it shines through you in everything you do. You have a heart of service and I know it pleases God. Your life is a testimony and you consistently give God the glory in everything you do. I always tease you about your attitude, cuz honestly it is too much like mine. But I am thankful that same attitude is what gives you the bold courage to say what you mean. I know you will always be the voice of this family. I am also thankful for your loving heart! You are a beautiful girl on the inside and out, I am overwhelmingly blessed by you!!

Nov. 27~Today I am thankful for family traditions. I am thankful that some of our kids are getting older and letting us know how much those traditions mean to them. I love the traditions that the Holidays bring out. I am thankful that family time is an important part of our week. I am thankful that we are in control of the legacy we leave and I am thankful that the Jackson family legacy will now be one that our grandchildren's grandchildren will be proud of.

Nov. 28~Today I am so thankful for spiritual leadership and accountability in my life. I am thankful that there are people in my life that love me enough to point me in the right direction, help me to navigate through rough terrain, and always catch me when I fall, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. My husband is my number 1 accountability partner and I am so thankful for his bold leadership, but I am also so grateful for my lifegroup, and the church leadership we fall under. We are blessed.

Nov. 29~Today I am thankful for a home full of giggles. Although they drive me crazy sometimes, when I am trying to get work done and they wont stop messing around....I wouldn't trade the sound of their laughter for much of anything. I am beyond grateful for belly laughs and the giggles that bring tears!!

Nov. 30~Today I am thankful for the month of November. Thankful for the opportunity to exercise self discipline and take time to reflect on the sooo many things that I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for the spirit of gratitude that has nestled it's way in my heart and am praying that it takes refuge there for many months to come.

I don't need me another "yes" girl!!

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time.  A lot of things have held me back, many of those things probably directly linked to the lack of popularity the subject will have.  And then more so the lack of popularity my opinion will have.  So, trusting that there is reasons beyond my understanding that support the need for this blog, I shall write!
I have never been much of a "yes" girl.  I would like to attribute my lack of close friendships to that quality.  You know what a "yes" girl is.....it's that kind of friend you call upon when you need your poor actions, choices, or opinions validated!  You need someone to help you justify the things you've said, thought or done.  You don't instinctively call on your "truth" girl!  She is far too threatening when you're in that mode.  I know-I've made calls to my yes girls! I've watched my girls follow in those footsteps.  I've witnessed them choose their "yes" girls when they are at a point when what they really need is their truth girl.  And I've watched them choose their truth girl.  The latter option, always has the better outcome.
I have spent tears wondering, wishing I could understand why I have had CLOSE friends lie to me or avoid me when they are struggling with something.  Why I am not the friend they chose for comforting.  I have fought to understand why I can't just keep my mouth shut. I have wanted, at times, to be a yes girl.  I struggle sometimes with deciding do I follow the Spirit and speak truth or do I say what I think my friend wants to hear??  A decision has been made; I pray I am never your "yes" girl.  Even if that means you don't call me when you are struggling.  I have to believe that you want what I want; and that is someone that will pour Truth into me even when it hurts.  When I call to vent about my husband, remind me what a blessing he is and ask if I have examined myself in whatever situation. If I am complaining about church leadership or ministries, please ask if I am willing to be part of the solution.  If I am calling to talk about someone else's drama, please ask me to shut it up.  If I stop you to come up with a plan to cut some corners, please just help me devise a way to round them.  If I am telling you too much info about one of my beautiful children, please remind me how much that hurts them.  Please be my truth girls!
Over the past year this topic has been ringing all too true in my life.  Hangin' with my BFF in Nashville gave me the glorious reminder of how truly irreplaceable a truth girl is.  I am thankful for people in my life that give me truth no matter what. I pray that my girls always choose truth girls.  I pray that you choose to be a truth girl.  -no one needs another "yes" girl.

2011 in TWO Word Review

Cross Country
Praying Wives
Heart Break
Date Nights
Just Dance
Chick Fil A
Braces Off
Repeat Trainings
Graduated Student
Renewed Vows
Family Visit
Six Flags
Adult Child
Restored Relationships
Fourteen Birthdays
MOPS Convention
Bestie Time
Summer Camps
Small Group
Best Friends
New Friends
Sambrano Visit
Budget Crunching
Baby Brayden
Jealous Boys
Cali Trips
Chipped Tooth
Break Dance
Soccer Games
Tae Kwon Do
Beautiful Voice
Major Breakthroughs
Afro Puff
Crockpot Meals
Adoption Day
Sweet Kisses
Mommy's Boy
Broken Arm
Overwhelming Generosity
Family Time
Growing Pains
Letting Go
Fervent Prayers
Amazing Grace