Not that I was in the running before, but let's just say I am certain that I was completely eliminated today. WOW!! I said things I shouldn't have said, let my voice get louder than it should have, and certainly delivered very little today from a heart of love and grace. I had a really bad day. The combination of changing rooms around, the house being torn apart, potty training twin 2 yr olds, transitioning them in to toddler beds, spending the past 2 weeks sanitizing after each child completed their bout with the stomach bug, the 4 hours of sleep last night and just being in a total funk has definitely taken it's toll and today I am sad to say the top blew off and it was far from pretty. It would be fair to say that many apologies are in order. I don't do that often, really I don't. I seldom raise my voice and I almost never have used a curse word in any of my children's presence. I don't say that to toot my own horn, but to clearly define how out of sorts today was. I am sure my head spun at least 3 times around and green stuff has been spewing all over this week anyway, so that part was normal. I would categorize my parenting strategies today as far from admirable and just short of insane.
I remained in my pity party all the way up until bed time. Baths were in session, jammies were on, bedtime stories had been read, and I was in the little boys' room grumpily getting them into bed as I was also emptying out a laundry basket into their rightful drawers. Then it happens-God's smack across the face. As if He was saying "who do you think you are? Do you not know who these children are, they are mine-just as you are. Please behave as such". It wasn't God's audible voice that I heard, but the bantering of a sweet two year old. I turn to focus on him and see Malachi Jamar laying in his big boy bed with eyes closed, hands folded and murmuring out loud praying to our faithful God. He has never done that before without being prompted and if you know these boys, and how far they have come- you would understand the miracle in that. Well, he got my attention as I tried to imagine what his sounds were saying "Please Lord, help my mommy get good rest so she can have a sane day tomorrow". Or maybe he was saying "thank you God for this family" or maybe it was "thank you God for giving me a mommy that loves you". Who knows, but my 2 1/2 year old boy that was completely non verbal a year ago was praying to our faithful God, out loud, clear as anything. I joined him in prayer and by the "Amen" I got the biggest hug and smile from that boy. I am so incredibly blessed. Even though I may disappoint myself some days, I am completely redeemed in a moment by a sweet baby boy that thinks the world of me.
