Getting out of God's way!

I love Jesus! I love my kids! I have prayed their whole lives for them to love Jesus too! I have prayed they would be head over heels in love with Him. That they would be willing to abandon all that is safe and comfortable to answer His call. I prayed that they would have a faith like David or Gideon. That they would trust whatever they were called to do and have full confidence in their Creator to strengthen them and carry them through anything they face. I prayed that they would be selfless and choose others. every.single.time. I prayed that NO MATTER WHAT, they would desire God's purpose for their life. I prayed that whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-that they would think about such things. 

Here's the thing-it doesn't feel good when God answers that prayer. It actually hurts in this super tender part of our heart. That place that wants complete control. The spot that just wants our kids to need us. The place that wants nothing more than to keep our kids safe and comfortable. It hurts there.

God isn't safe. He is seldom comfortable.

When Lanni was about 8 we went on a family mission trip to Mexico. It was one of the best weeks of my life. We helped build a house for a family there that needed it. We led somewhat of a Vacation Bible School for the kids in the little neighborhood we were in. WE served, we sacrificed, we were dirty, we worked hard, we loved. We loved hard. Lanni befriended a little girl that came to play with us each day. They played, they crafted, they laughed. Then, one night, Lanni cried. She explained to me that she didn't think it was fair that the little girl couldn't understand her. "All she wanted to do was tell her about Jesus". She was so frustrated. When we got home, she asked for a book to learn Spanish so that would never happen again. 

I should have known then that Lanni had a heart for the uncomfortable and the unsafe. I knew she had a heart for the broken and forgotten. I knew she had a heart for the lost. I should have known that broken, forgotten, and lost is far from comfortable and safe.

For many years I have struggled with being one of those helicopter mama's. You know the ones. That mama that lingers around on the first day of school, for hours- just in case- someone needs you. Ya, I'm that mom. The one that can.not.handle not having every single detail. The one that tries to be in control of every moment. My husband, Robb, helps me see things more clearly. He knows they need space to live and grow and learn. There have been many conversations that have begun with him reminding me that sometimes I just have to get out of God's way. That He has a story for them too. That sometimes, God doesn't need me to be involved in what He's doing in their hearts. *GASP* 

This past week I attended a leadership conference. Albert Tate spoke and shared about the necessity of getting out of God's way. Letting go of control. Giving God what you've got and then stepping back to witness what He is going to do with it. It was a bit profound, putting those pieces together. Listening to him and then remembering all of those late night conversations with Robb speaking truth and me in tears. Here I was about to put my baby girl, who is now 18, on an airplane to go to the other side of the world to love on Kenyan people and literally be the hands and feet of Jesus. It is the most "out of God's way" that has ever been required of me. And Albert is getting all biblical with me and agreeing with my husband. First of all, I like being right. Second, I'm not great at not hovering. So, ya. That. Albert and I, we aren't friends.

Sometimes, getting out of God's way is uncomfortable and unsafe. At least in the way we perceive safety. Letting go of what we want or what we think, in order to let God just be who He is and do what He does means embracing the unknown. It means trusting His plan and knowing it will be far better than what you ever imagined. 

Now I sit here, wondering how it happened. How did so much time pass by since that day when she was 8 and just wanted to speak Spanish to now flying across the world to touch hearts. How was I not prepared for this, when I got so much warning?

This is the text she sent me at take off:

taking off. i love you so much. ill call you whenever i can next. i promise. remember why im doing this. Jesus is so good momma. id give up my whole entire life just to love girls all around the world. thats my purpose. ill be okay. i love you more. 

Her faith is just simple.

I learned from her today. 

I love to call her my mini me. She looks a lot like me. (She'd tell you she's cuter, she is.) She's stubborn like me. She is outspoken like me. She is hilarious like me :) The truth though, she is way more selfless and servant-hearted than I. Somehow, most of my kids are. 

I am always the most wrecked when God speaks to me through my kids. I have learned so much more about being an adult that loves Jesus from my kids that have grown into adults loving Jesus. Parenting encompasses my greatest fears. It also brings me the greatest joy. There is far more joy in being unsafe, as soon as we can embrace being uncomfortable for the sake of Christ.

From the mouth of a mother, MY MOTHER!

My mom loves me.  I know that without an ounce of doubt.  She has always done her best at making sure I knew that-to the best of her ability.  My mom is mentally disabled.  She was diagnosed when I was 2 with Bipolar Disorder, Paranoia, and Borderline Schizophrenia.  I spent much of my younger years taking advantage of that, and then my teenage years hiding it, and my adult years dealing with it.  There have been many things she has said or done that I didn't understand, and many things she has said that hurt, even though I know she probably didn't mean it the way it came out.    She has attempted suicide several times throughout my life and been institutionalized more times than that.  I have fought with her, cried with her, screamed at her, and hurt for her.  I've spent many moments a bit angry with God for choosing me to be her daughter.  I realize that sounds horrible, but it is the raw truth.  I have wished that I had a mom that would have guided me, given me helpful advice, one that I could look up to and want to be like.  I wished she wasn't my mom.  I don't remember exactly when it happened, but I remember a transformation of my mind; when God started helping me to see my mom the way He sees her.  As a beautiful woman with faults,  I love her anyway.   And she is perfect, just the way she is.

Our phone conversations are pretty frequent, I keep them frequent so I can keep them short.  Not because I don't want to talk to her, but mostly because she is very hard to follow most of the time.  A lot of times the things she say are "off the wall" or "far fetched".  Today was different.  She called to thank me for the flowers that I sent her for Mother's day, but asked why I didn't send her roses?  I giggle with a bit of disappointment in my heart.  I knew that I needed to make time for her today so as I cleaned the house I carried around the phone on my ear; listening and talking and trying to follow.  Then, my pleasant surprise came.  I was listening to my mom, give me sound motherly advice for the first time in my life that I can remember.  It made sense, it was legit!  We were talking about Mother's Day; I was sorting laundry.
This was a piece of our convo:
MOM: "It is my philosophy that God gives us all special talents and abilities.  Not everyone uses theirs, but they should.  When you don't use the talents and gifts God gave you it is deceiving, just like lying and you are depriving the people that are here to receive the gifts that God gave you to give away.  If you keep it  it's deceiving like stealing too.
Me: **sat in an AWE kind of silence**
MOM: "The most important thing you can do Marie is to make sure everything is under control under your own roof, not just that your house is clean.  You have to stop doing the laundry and make sure everyone is happy. I mean you have to keep your house clean, that's important but it's more important that your family is happy.  That everyone under your own roof is getting along and feels loved.
Me:"I totally get it mom.  That makes a lot of sense."
MOM: "It does?"

If you know my mom, you know the significance in this.  If you don't, well just know that every word she uttered today was a butterfly kiss from God on my cheek.  As if He was saying "no need to worry Marie, every vessel is valuable, every vessel can be used by Me.  I love you, I have used her all of your life to show you that."
My mom is a remarkable woman. HER reality is far more difficult than anything I have ever had to experience.  I have learned a lot from her about being a mom.  I love my mom more than ever and I am thankful that God chose me for her.

A hospital, not a country club...

Something came up this week at convention that troubles my heart. During one of the break out sessions I attended a session that was specifically set aside for Teen MOPS leaders. One of the common concerns among that group of leaders was the lack of support from their Christian/Church families. Stories of how their sponsoring church would not allow them to hold a teen MOPS group at their church so they are meeting in a public school to stories of how they were having a really hard time finding Classic MOPS groups that would “sister” them and come along side them to provide support. Let me start by explaining that we do not suffer from either of these issues. Our chartering ministry (Fellowship of the Parks Church) has been amazingly supportive from the very first day I sat down with a few members of the leadership team and shared my passion. They stepped up and have walked alongside us the whole time we have been ministering to these young women. We are also very blessed by a local Classic MOPS group (Chartering ministry- The MET). From their tangible generosity to their prayer and sharing of their time-our group has been blessed beyond measure. We have also been blessed by faithful financial supporters from all over the metroplex that have generously given their resources to keep this ministry going. Unfortunately, we are the only group, that I personally met leaders from, that have support in all areas. We also have a team of remarkable women, that come from several surrounding church bodies, that not only have a passion for these young moms, but a drive to serve whole heartedly and sacrificially. There was a room full of women with the passion, and I am assuming the drive required to pull off a successful TeenMOPS program-however they are missing the other important, and necessary elements. The support. It wasn't just the lack of support that hurts my heart. I am also burdened to hear the reasons and the responses they are getting when they are soliciting support. They are being met with opposition through comments like “don't you think this just encourages teen pregnancy?”, “we don't want our community to think all these girls come from our church”, “aren't you nervous about letting those girls know your personal information”, “we can't be supportive of a group that would support girls in that situation”..... I could go on, but I am guessing you get the point. We are CHRIST followers folks and my opinion is that Christ would be incredibly disappointed with these responses. We are to LOVE as He loved us, not out of a spirit of judgement or condemnation, but out of a spirit mercy and grace. The only difference between “those kind of girls” (which I happened to be one of them) and those judging us is that you happen to know the sin I fell into. The church building is meant to be a hospital not a country club. We come there to be filled up, loved on, encouraged, and supported by a body of believers. Not to be made felt like we are judged, looked down upon, or less than.

I LOVE the teen MOPS ministry. I love each and every young mom that God has brought through the doors to take part in our group, I love the fellow believers that walk alongside me and offer these young women unconditional love, as well as practical support.

You are missing the mark people if you think Christ would encourage this lack of support. These ladies can't do this alone. They need your faithful support.

I realize my passion is that of teen moms. I also realize that they aren't the only group that we self righteous Christians choose to look down upon, I am even sure if you dug long enough you may be able to help me find the log in my eye. That isn't my purpose....my purpose is to TRY to get those of you who could be making a difference in this area to step up and do something. I am sure there is a Teen MOPS group in your area.

This situation makes me think of Jesus and the leper, and one of the speakers this weekend pointed out a piece of that story that has been impressed upon my heart. Jesus hugged him first-before He healed him. What a profound example He set.

ALSO,-mini disclaimer-please don't for a minute that our group can't use more help, support, or prayer warriors....we will never have enough of that!