Robb and I always knew we wanted a big family. After giving birth to our 4th child by our 3rd cesarean, our Dr. strongly suggested that was our last pregnancy. We were a bit disappointed, but decided immediately that we would adopt someday and we'd do it through the foster system. When our "baby" was approaching 3 we started the classes to become certified foster parents. Our timing does not always match up with God's. Among many things we were not ready for, taking in more children was one of them. God had some stripping, breaking, and transforming to do in our lives to prepare us to live the selfless life required to be "good" parents. The long story would include all of the details surrounding the bringing to our knees God accomplished over the next seven years, the short story will just share the results.
Through much resistance our path led us to Texas. We didn't "want" to come here. God was extremely creative in convincing us to come. I am always in awe of the many details He puts into place so I can comprehend what He's telling me. Almost from the minute we stepped on to Texas soil, little hints were dropped leading us to the realization that we were ready to adopt through the foster system. The process moved rather quickly and quite frankly there was no time to change our mind. One afternoon when driving home from a training I was quietly in thought and Robb looked at me and said "we don't get to do this just to adopt, do we?". That's when I realized that the thoughts I had been ignoring were the voice of God leading me into obedience. We were scared, but ready. We were licensed to take in 2 children, that would bring our count up to 6 kids, which is the max. Those first boys placed in our home had 2 sisters in another home. I was literally nauseous thinking about all they had been through and now they were separated. We immediately started the process to have the 4 reunited in our home, which meant we had to become a "group home". This change in licensing would then allow us to have 8 foster children (which WE never intended to have). It was not long before we couldn't say no and became the loving parents to 12 amazing children.
Life is now quite an adventure. Trips to the grocery store are somewhat comical, including the bill. Getting kids to and from school requires 3 different campuses, 4 different trips each way and 2 different vehicles. Each meal requires 15 minutes of plate preparation all before Robb and I can even sit down and at least 4 trips for seconds prior to us making it through our meal. There are 8 bikes, 5 scooters, and 2 skateboards in the garage where a car belongs. At least 20 loads of laundry make there way through our washing machine each week. We've got 6 counseling appts every other week, 6 speech therapy appts each week, date night every Wednesday. If you ask any Jackson "what is the hardest part?" every single one would give you the same answer "watching them leave". The most grounded -Robb- would then remind us all that this is not about us (I sometimes forget that). There are days I want to lock myself in a closet. Days I cry out to God "why did you choose me, do You have no idea how bad I am at this?". There are days when I question the negative impact this will have on my bio children. There are days when I feel like every fiber of my being is being tested. Then there are days when I get more snuggles than any person deserves. Days when I praise God for choosing me for such a time as this. There are days when my heart is overjoyed watching the 4 people I gave birth to love selflessly and give wholly. There are days when I stand in awe of the life transformation taking place in this home. And there are days when I look back on the journey that brought us here, all the shaping, all the breaking, all the cleansing, and I thank my God for every heart ache, every hardship, every difficulty and every ounce of persecution. Because it is then that He has proven Himself strong.
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